


Heartsick

by Zalloj



Series: Heartsick [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, heartsick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 04:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16674394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zalloj/pseuds/Zalloj
Summary: The Cast of Homestuck adjust to their post game lives on Earth C, and everyone seems to be adjusting just fine!...Mostly everyone...





	1. A Dull Day In The Brooding Caverns

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


## Art by **[(X)](https://johnegbertsprites.tumblr.com/)**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. A Grim Finding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya finds a dark revelation to her inquiry

##  [ **Link to Part 1 (X)** ](https://skaianradiance.tumblr.com/post/173533160020/a-dull-day-in-the-brooding-cavern)

Your name is **KANAYA MARYAM** and you are on your way to see your friend **JOHN EGBERT** because you had a conflict of opinion on his **PROTRACTED ABSENCE**   from the world you and friends rule over as **ACTUAL GODS**.

The conflict of opinion you had with your wife, **ROSE LALONDE** , was over the nature of his absence. She believed he was becoming reclusive and that there was something deeply wrong with him, giving him an air of maladjustment.

You believe he is simply seeing other people, or focusing on a particularly **BIG PROJECT** , and it is simply taking up his attention. And if he is lonely, Its not like he doesn’t have all your other friends to help him deal with it!

Regardless, you made a “ _gamble_ ” with your wife, that if he is ok, which you’re certain that he is, then you and her shall do something together that you wish to do. And should you, which you likely wont, because is an adult who can take care of himself, you shall do things “Her Way”, whatever that means, though it doesn’t matter as you intend on going on a **FLARPING** campaign with her that you designed yourself.

There shall be much reenacting of Troll historical events, such as the supposed encounter between **MINDFANG** and your ancestor, **THE DOLOROSA.** Which will be most emotionally invigorating **.** You wonder if you can get John to be **DUALSCAR**? You should ask him about it when you visit, that would put Rose’s mind at ease

You _WOULD_ get the actual Dualscar, **CRONUS AMPORA** , to take up the role, but he’s sort of a lecherous jerk. And by “sort of” you mean _“ **Overtly** ”,_ in which you shall never consider him in your Role-Playing sessions _.  
_

But you internally digress, you shall conjure ways of compelling your companions in joining your activities of recreational engagement of the historical persuasion.

You spot the ivory white house among the salamander huts

You, WOULD have taken the shortest route, teleporting near his home, but instead you chose to take the scenic route across the emerald fields, taking in the sights and sun. Its nice to see things on your terms, occasional solitude does have its pleasures.

You arrive at the house, on your feet and refreshed by the midday sun. You spot several Salamanders, some of varying colors, such as Pink and Blue, but most are of the usual Yellow.

John’s consorts seem to be tending their Heir’s land.  Religiously in fact, seems their reverence for him 5000 years later has not changed in the least.

A group of them approaches, with a larger one stepping forward to talk to you, its flesh is light pink, and is shrouded in brilliant blue robes.

PS: Greetings Sylph of Space, I be High Sister Paria Salas, o the Order o the Secret Wizard and Grand Caretaker o the Heir of Breath and his home. Had we known you were coming we wood'o made preparations ta give ya a proper welcome.

  
GA: That Wouldnt Have Been Necessary But Thank You For Welcoming Me Anyways I Suppose

  
PS: What can I do ta help ye this day, great Sylph?

  
GA: I Came To Speak To John Actually

  
PS: Ah… I dunno if ya will be able ta do so

  
GA: Why 

  
GA: Isnt He Here

  
PS: Ay, as far as we know, he returned home a week ago, went right inside, and hasnt come out since.

  
GA: Strange 

  
GA: Does He Do That Often

  
PS: Nah, he usually be out and about.

  
GA: Maybe Then He Left And None Of You Noticed

  
PS: Nay I say! We be watchin his home like hungry hawks, guarding and protecting his abode, cleaning and maintainin this holy place. We know hes in there, for he came out the the other day ta meet with a mailer with a package ta deliver.

  
GA: Then I Suppose You Wouldnt Mind If I Were To Go In Then

  
PS: I suppose ye shall be supposin then milady, and Id rather you didn.

  
GA: Why? What In The World Do You Mean By That?

PS: When I saw the Heir the other day, and he looked mighty tired.

  
GA: That Doesnt Sound Like A Reason To Keep Me Out

  
PS: No, I mispoke, he looked down right exhausted. 

  
PS: I don think hes been sleeping well lately, if Im speaking out loud

  
GA: He Sounds Sick

  
GA: Havent You Been Looking After Him

  
PS: O course we have, but we hav been doin so only from a distance.

  
PS: Need to be respectin the Heir’s boundaries and all that. We merely knock on his door every few hours to see if he answers.

  
GA: And What Have Been His Replies

  
PS: After knocking for two days, Nothing

  
GA: Then Im Going To Take A More Direct Approach And Go In

  
GA: I Certainly Hope You Dont Plan On Stopping Me

  
PS: We wont, you are responsible for your own actions. Honestly, we be glad you came if that is your intentions. Been worried about the Heir if im being honest.

  
GA: What Makes You Say Such A Thing

  
PS: I have a bad feelin hes doin more than just sleepin ever since i saw him the other day. You may be right, he could be sick.

  
PS: So please, go right in, I aint gonna stop ya

  
GA: Thank You Im Glad We Are On The Page Then

  
PS: You’re more than welcome Great Sylph, now please get on with it! I am eager to my broods minds at ease!

You are lead to the front door of John’s house, and begin to rap on the wood, droppin fly beats, and sick rhymes that fool like the boss ass bitch that you are.

You’re a Queen and let that motherfucker know it, just like Dave showed you.

Well, actually, you just knock on the door, out of a sense of etiquette, just in case John is awake and he’ll come down to open it up.

Kanaya, be John

##  **===================================**

You are JOHN EGBERT, and you were sleeping off a bad dream from last night and you’ve been awakened by the knocking of your front door at 1′o’clock in the afternoon!

How rude! Dont people know you’re trying to sleep? Oh well, its probably something important if you’re consorts are willing to let them drop a platinum record like a Rhyme’s master on your door.

You miss Dave, you’ve been wanting to hang out with him more, but he seems to be focusing on Karkat and Dirk, and you dont want to be a bother.

You put on a  pair of house pants and walk down stairs. They keep knocking at the door like its a cheap joke to made over and over.

You open the door and are met with the sight of a sleek black Carapacian! Those Chess guys. This one is dressed like a mailman, and kneels before you upon seeing you, like a Knight before his King.

He doesn’t say anything, and instead raises a package to your person in an offering.

Apparently, its for you! 

##  **John: Take the Package**

You ginger-snappily take the parcel, your colorful entourage of attendants look on in awe from around the yard as though this were some sort of religious occurrence… they always do that.

You’re sort of their God. Which you technically are, because you’re Godtier. But no big deal, not to you anyways.

The handler of packages remains kneeling, as though he is awaiting some sort of proper response, the consorts are watching on in anticipation over what you’re about to do… you give him a thumbs up.

And he sort of freaks out in joy, along with your consorts. They sort of just pick him up in praise and jubilation.

You just sort of close the door. You’re happy for them but uh, thats kind of excessive for your level of partying. Not that you dont like parties, you just dont feel like having one after just getting out of bed in the middle of the afternoon.

Insomnia is a serious bitch! But you are gonna show her who is boss! Soon! Hopefully! Because you need your sleep!

But first, what is this package?

Its addressed to you! John Egbert! Which you hope it would be, considering it arrived at your home!

Its from **ROXY LALONDE & CALLIOPE!** You’ve been wondering what they’ve been up to since they went on their lil escapades around the world.

You open the package up and reveals some paraphernalia from various locations all over the places they’ve been.

Lot of photos of Roxy and Calli having a good time together though. Weird faces, weird sights, Roxy havin a few drinks with Calli. You think they’re virgin mixes. Shirley Temples.

They sure do look like they’re having fun without you! Which you’re ok with! Roxy and Calliope need to spend time together every once in a while without other people around them! No big deal!

Last one is a “Wish you were here” sort of thing… if they wished you were there, then… why didnt they just invite you?

You kinda wished your other friends would hit you up for a party or dinner date or something. With Roxy and Terezi being away for so long on their own lil escapades, its kinda lonely around here.

You WOULD hit _them_ up, but they’re all busy doing something in lives. Dave busy with Karkat, Karkat is busy with running the Troll Kingdom. Nanna is busy with Crockercorp, Jade is doing her thing, Rose is busy with Kanaya… Rose is always busy with Kanaya actually…

Seems everybody is busy these days, you miss em all alot, you want to hang out more.

You actually wanna hit with another big prank but a cream pie to the face can only be tolerated for so long, and you think you might make em upset over it. Kinda like you did with your dad on your birthday when you rejected his baked confections.

Gosh he made so many cakes on that birthday of yours. You couldn’t have just taken the damned things and told him you loved him? It was just buttery goodness that he slaved over. Granted he could have eased up on it, but its just, you couldn’t have indulged him for it?

You miss him alot actually… gets you a lil depressed over him being gone… 

…

…

…

…why did he have to die anyways?

In fact, why did any of your friends and family have to die, but you didnt? That other John died, but he might not have had too?

You really shouldn’t be thinking about this morbid stuff, he wouldn’t want you to be sad over it. Better to focus on more important, not so sad things, like sleeping!

You’re kind of tired, you’re gonna go back to bed and get some rest. You’ll feel better once you paid off your sleep debt.

You head up stairs and lay back down in your bed, knowing a good nights sleep will resolve most of your problems. 

It takes a lil while, being sore from your lack of sleep, but you drift into the realm of slumber.

##  [ **John: Dream** ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DudlLebHViL0%26ytbChannel%3DpunkCDsampler&t=NzA5M2RhYWNjYzkzNTUyMDg4MzUzMTRiMGVhZmE1MzBjMzVmM2ZkMyxjYlcxSFZmZQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AqBU8hVom0fG9ioEsRSDPsQ&p=https%3A%2F%2Fskaianradiance.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F173795013975%2Flink-to-part-1-x-your-name-is-kanaya-maryam-and&m=1)

##  **===================================**

You are Still JOHN EGBERT, and you are asleep.

At first, you dont feel much of anything

But slowly, you begin to feel something. You are cold, but its changing into something warm.

You feel the sensation of floating freely in a swirling cloud of magic.

You are warm and safe, surrounded by the sound of peaceful beauty.

You feel as if you were suddenly totally alive. You can remember every happy moment of your past, taste and feel every favorite sensation, hear all the colors of the universe.

This is the true joy of living.

You float gently in this Ocean of Harmony.

Now there is even greater joy, you are no longer alone.

You are filled with the warmth of friendship, you share your hopes, your dreams, all of the best moments of your life, knowing that here is someone who truly  understands and cares about you.

You turn to touch your friend, but there is no one there.

You are all alone.

You always were.

You are suddenly engulfed by darkness, the color of the world replaced by utter blackness. You cannot breathe.

You feel the warmth leaving you, and in its place, utter ice takes your body.

Pain - the agony of lungs without air, the burning cold of a body trapped in ice, the terror of helplessness as the end approaches.

You are very cold and more tired now than ever before in your life. You lay still, and you feel a need to wake up.

But you dont really want to wake up. You dont struggle in the least. It feels as if this is what should happen to you. So you remain this way, frozen, as though you were dead.

You float, cold and lifeless among the nothingness for what seems like an eternity.

…

…

…

…………………………………….

You hear a loud banging noise off in the distance. Then a crash.

Then, you hear a scream!

Your name is being called

No, wait, not simply being called

Shouted!

Someone is ** _shrieking_** your name.

## John: Be Kanaya

##  **===================================**

You are KANAYA MARYAM again

##  **[(X)](https://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwisb7HL3A1r0j1p1o1_r1_1280.png) **

You are in the living block, and find it sparsely decorated with celebratory paraphernalia, wall streamers, and deflated balloons. Are these from his last years wriggling day?

And you have gotten tired of knocking on the door, so now you decided to saw the door down, much to the chagrin of the local caretakers who seem upset over your course of action, but they do nothing to stop you. 

If John isnt here, you’re sure he’ll understand. But if he is, then this is very strange of him to not answer. He might actually be sick… or worse, he’s actually pulling another prank.

If he’s actually about to set off one of his infamous tricks, you’re going to have more than words with im.

Still, you have a bet to win, and step inside his rather humble abode.

You are standing in the living block. You remember this section of the house. You spent most of your time when visiting of John’s place. Usually you dont have a welcoming party, you usually just come inside, but regardless, this place is quite nice actually… if it werent for all the garbage lying around. You find it sparsely decorated with celebratory paraphernalia, wall streamers, and deflated balloons. Are these from his last years wriggling day party?

**GA: John Egbert!!!**

GA: Apologies For The Door, It Was… Locked…

GA: … _Hello?!_

Paria was quite insistent he was here. If so, he must be quite the heavy sleeper after ruckus you just made! You hope you havent transgressed. You know, besides on the feelings of the cute Salamanders.

You check the cook block just for posterity, and find nothing as expected. Well, almost nothing, this place is a bigger mess than the living block. Nobody has cleaned the consumption utensils and discs in what seems like months.

Theres even food that has long since spoiled!

This place is a serious dump! If John actually isnt here, then you’ll have words with the consorts over this!

And if he IS here, then you will be having words **with HIM!**

You check the study block. This place is empty save for a desk and a nice piano. Its actually fairly clean in here.

You walk up stairs and are met with the hallway, and a half-cracked door to John’s respite-block.

Move foward, and open the door all the way and are…

You are….

You are greeted by… 

A respite block full of scribblings on the wall?! Its all in varying shades of crimson red, burgundy and brown.

[The scrawlings are various deprecations of varying degrees of bite.](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DudlLebHViL0%26ytbChannel%3DpunkCDsampler&t=NzA5M2RhYWNjYzkzNTUyMDg4MzUzMTRiMGVhZmE1MzBjMzVmM2ZkMyxjYlcxSFZmZQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AqBU8hVom0fG9ioEsRSDPsQ&p=https%3A%2F%2Fskaianradiance.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F173795013975%2Flink-to-part-1-x-your-name-is-kanaya-maryam-and&m=1)

##  **===================================**

“punk”

“should have died”

“im stupid” 

“W)(at a jok—E”

“Maggot”

“cow4rd”

“W4ST3 OF L1F3”

“ur a pest“

“Di—E”

“cl0wn”

“should have been you”

“nerd”

“i hATE yOU”

**“wworthless”**

“shouldnt be alive”

“dork”

“quit 8reathing”

“s1ssy”

“shouldnt have lived”

“ur a jok”

“Rat”

“mOtHeR FuCkInG”

“MOTHERFUCKER”

“fucking pervert”

“I Hate You”

“u should die”

**“Its all your fault”**

“do it”

“Gutterbl00d”

“fAGGOT”

“scum”

“yoU’re a monster”

“dikhed”

“I hate you”

“liar”

**“phony”**

“W0rm”

“I h8 you”

“nobody likes yoU”

“your pranks suck”

## “youre nothing“

“they dont love you”

## “she never loved you”

“they hate me”

“I AM SO ASHAMED OF YOU”

“kill yourself”

## “:o(“

##  **“YOU MOTHERFUCKER”**

## “ **:o)** ”

…

…

…

You just remember John having some odd habits. Maybe you should consider talking to Rose about this. Might be a sign that he wants attention.

You might have just lost a bet.

You scan the room and aside from the scrawlings, and various head high dents in the walls, nothing too unusual in here.

You turn around and notice the sound of water trickling. Hmm, he must be in the cleansing-block, bathing.

Might not even heard you come in, as sometimes people listing to music while they wash.

You walk down the hall, and open the door. 

Strange, you hear running water but theres no light on.

You flip the switch on.

You are greeted by the sight of crimson red blood covering the floor. Blood you arent appitized by, which is unusual, as blood is kind of your choice thing to consume.

But considering its dripping from the arm of your very pale looking friend John, who is currently sitting in his bathtub, it doesent appeal to you in the least… because flowing from John… 

Who is still sitting in his bathtub

Lifeless…

Unmoving…

Kanaya: **Do Something**

You scream out his name and lunge forward, nearly slipping on the bloodsoaked floor.

You feel John to get a pulse

You dont feel anything other than icy cold that bites you to your core.

You pull his arms up, they’re stiff as boards and see they’ve been slit to the bone from writ to elbow.

He’s dead.

## HES DEAD!!!

##  **AND HE DID IT TO HIMSELF!!!**

You place your lips upon his, and kiss him in an attempt to bring him back.

You wait a few moments, and plant another, longer, kiss on his cold, numbing lips.

You then wait some more… and you grow ever more impatient, and yell at him in a panic, like a hysterical dame.

…Nothing, no response.

…

You…

…you…

You… take him into your arms, and embrace him. You feel the warmth of your body being leeched from you, and feel tears falling from your eyes, rolling down your cheeks.

How could this have happened?

She was right, something is wrong with John.

…well, **_there WAS_** …

But not anymore….

How in the living fuck are you going to tell Rose? 

GA: John… Im Sorry…

##  **GA: JOHN!!!**

You pull away from him and see his face

YUP! HES ALIVE!

##  **GA: YOU’RE ALIVE!!!**

You hug John again, and give him a protracted kiss on the forehead, thanking the powers that be for not taking him.

You hold him close, and his breathing is sporadic. You arent certain that he will be all right. Physically anyways.

But you think he will at least live.

You begin an attempt at healing the tired boy.

##  **===================================**

Moments later, but not many, outside Johns respite block.

You are still Kanaya.

And you just brought your friend back from the dead. You have no idea what exactly happened other than the fact he might have been the one who made himself dead.

He has no recollection of what happened and is barely cognoscente. After healing him, you placed him back into his bed, where he needs some rest.

You head outside onto the balcony, and pull out your celluar talking.

You have to call your wife and tell her the news.

You dial her number and await her response. But after several moments, you are prompted to leave a voice message. This does not calm your nerves. But you leave your message anyways.

You end your call and place your phone away. You look out across the fields towards the forests, and in spite of the huts, this place seems rather… isolated.

Even though he has consorts, he might feel…

Those writings on the wall, those… you 

Damn it, what the flying fuck happened here? Why would he do this? Is he really that lonely or is it something else? Why didnt he talk about it?!

Is he even ok right now?

…

You head back to his bedroom to check on him.

He seems to be sleeping all right.

Oh

No wait, something is off, hes trying to move, in his sleep? Has he been sleep writing again? Is that what this all is?!

…

You sit down on his bed and place your hand on his face. Its still cold to the touch, but not as icy as it was before. Your contact seems to help him a little.

Do not worry John,  whatever happened, you arent alone.

Not anymore.


	3. Rosemary Guardians

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Kanaya Inquire into John's personal state of being and inform him of what shall be done

====

Your name is JOHN EGBERT

And you, are cold. 

Really cold…

Like, unreasonably cold.

You’re freezing…

And tired.

You are cold and tired. More tired and cold than you ever were in your whole life. You’re like a block of ice in the shape of a person. You cant see or hear anything.

You are numb, and all you feel is the cold. The cold and sandness. 

Misery. 

Its as though someone had driven nails into your neck and shoulders. You feel heavy, and its hard to breath. You cant even move. You feel like your should be shivering, but you arent.

Its like you’re dead really.

You feel faint warmth however, coming from your lips, growing over your body, and a see flash of light. Something muddy, murky, like stone was dropped in the water, and you cant quite make anything out, but you feel… better. You arent quite as cold anymore as you were. But still freezing.

In fact you feel much better. At least, you dont feel dead anymore. You start seeing lights, and colors. Your eyes are opening and you feel pain from bright illumination of Kanaya’s visage.

You see tears in her eyes.

Why?

Whats happening?

**GA: JOHN!!!**

Holy shit shes loud

**GA: YOU’RE ALIVE!!!**

Like really loud! Whats she talking about?

She embraces you and does something to your forehead. Jeez, can this hysterical broad just calm down and tell you wh-

Oh… that feels… kinda good. Kanaya holds you close and you feel warmth engulfing your entire body. You sleepy, instead of just tired, and start to fall asleep. You feel like you can just talk to her later, right now you just wanna sleep.

You drift off, back into the blackness. Your body still numb and cold but not like it was before. You start feeling things again, warmth and life.

You feel pain. A sharp gnawing pain, in your arms, like you did before.

  


[(X)](https://fancypantaloones.tumblr.com/)

EB: yeah! …yeah i can hear you rose!

TT: Thank God all mighty, I was getting worried you might not wake up!

EB: nice to see you too rose… something wrong? you seem a lil distressed or something.

GA: How Are You Feeling, Johnathan?

EB: oh hey kanayathan! youre here too!

EB: im… ok i guess? im still pretty tired, and kinda sore. actually im pretty cold, is the A/C on?

TT: John, I need you to focus. Talk to me. Focus on me and nothing else, understand?

EB: …ok?

TT: Thank God you’re at least cognizant.

TT: John, whats the last thing you remember?

EB: thats… a question that bodes super ill. can i ask why you’re asking me that question?

GA: Johnathan, Please, Simply Focus On The Questions We Are Asking Of You. We Will Explain Everything Later.

GA: Now, Answer The Question. What Is The Last Thing You Can Recall Before Waking Up?

EB: i remember getting up, goin downstairs to answer the door because i got a package from roxy and caliope. then i went back to bed, went to sleep, then i woke up!

TT: Is that it?

EB: yup! thats it!

EB: now mind telling me what you two are doing in my house?

TT: What were the contents of the package?

EB: uh, like i said, stuff roxy and caliope sent me from their trip all over the world. why? something wrong?

 

TT: Thats very odd, that really doesn’t tell me much.

EB: doesn’t tell you much of what?

GA: You Dont Remember Anything Else At All From The Last Few Days?

EB: ok, i want some answers, whats happening?

TT: How do I put this…

GA: Johnathan, Look At Your Arms. Examine Them In Fact.

EB: wh-…

## EB: wh-…wh-why are they covered in mummy wrappings?!

TT: John, I need to you stay calm.

## EB: **no! seriously!** why am are my arms covered in fucking bandages, whats happening?!

## *Rose takes a seat on the bed, next to John and places her arms around his waist in a reassuring embrace*

## EB: John, **listen** to **me**. **Focus on me**. Take deep breathes and **focus** on **_me_**. Do you understand?

EB: …ok…

TT: I just dont want you to panic and possibly go into shock.

EB: the way youre talking and not telling me stuff is kinda not helping either. seriously.

TT: John, Kanaya found you in your bathtub. You were… well… you werent among the living.

EB: WHAT?! I WAS DEAD?!?!

GA: I Believe So. You Were Cold As Ice, And Stiff As Lumber. You Seemed Dead To me.

EB: but… but im not!

EB: why was i dead, what the flying fuck happened?!

TT: John… calm down.

EB: why?! i was dead!

GA: Your Arms Were Cut To The Bone, You Were Drained Of Blood.

##  **EB: BUT WHY!?!? WHY WAS I DEAD?! WHY WAS MY BLOOD OUT OF MY FUCKING BODY?!?!!?  
**

 

TT: John! Calm. Down!

EB: I WAS FUCKING DEAD ROSE! AND I DONT KNOW WHY OR HOW IT HAPPENED! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN!

*She squeezes him in a tight and assertive grip*

TT: John.

## Calm. 

##  _**Down.** _

EB: …

*She relaxes her grip, but only slightly*

TT: You’re safe now. We’re here for you. We wont let anything bad happen to you.

GA: Thats Right Johnathan. You’re Among Friends Who Care About You. You Arent Alone, Not Anymore.

EB: …

EB: … Ok… sorry about that. not really trying to be hysterical or anything its just…. yeah.

GA: That Quite All Right Johnathan, I Belive Id Do The Same If I Were In Your Position.

EB: you would keep getting called kanayathan by somebody who found you in a bathtub?!

GA: I Suppose That Probably Would Be The Case!

*She lets go of John entirely, merely resting her arms around him, in case he panics again*

TT: Good to see your humor is still there!

EB: yeah i guess extreme blood loss cant stop you from having a lil fun

EB: but seriously, what happened? and why dont i remember anything?

GA: Thats What We Are Trying To Piece Together.  I Found You In Your Cleansing Block with a Shaving Razor In Your Hand. 

EB: i… i did it to myself?!

GA: It Seems That Way, But Your Reaction Says Otherwise. Are You Certain You Dont Remember Anything After You Went To Sleep?

EB: …nope, nothing.

TT: Do you… notice anything in this room?

EB: besides you? … no…

TT: Anything on the walls specifically?

EB: the walls?

*John looks around his bedroom’s walls, scanning them and sees nothing*

EB: …cant say that i do!

TT: That… was not what I wanted to hear.

EB: why not? something wrong?

*Kanaya looks up at the walls, and sees what she saw from before when she arrived yesterday*

“punk”

“should have died”

“im stupid”

“W)(at a jok—E”

“Maggot”

“cow4rd”

“W4ST3 OF L1F3”

“ur a pest“

“Di—E”

“cl0wn”

“CR1M1N4L SCUM”

“should have been you”

“nerd”

“i hATE yOU”

**“wworthless”**

“shouldnt be alive”

“dork”

“quit 8reathing”

“s1ssy”

“shouldnt have lived”

“ur a jok”

“Rat”

“mOtHeR FuCkInG”

“MOTHERFUCKER”

“fucking pervert”

“I Hate You”

“u should die”

**“Its all your fault”**

“do it”

“Gutterbl00d”

“fAGGOT”

“scum”

“yoU’re a monster”

“dikhed”

“I hate you”

“liar”

**“phony”**

“W0rm”

“I h8 you”

“nobody likes yoU”

“your pranks suck”

## “youre nothing“

“they dont love you”

## “she never loved you”

“they hate me”

“I AM SO ASHAMED OF YOU”

“kill yourself”

## “:o(“

##  **“YOU MOTHERFUCKER”**

## “ **:o)** ”

*Kanaya Pulls Rose Back, Away From Johnathan, And Whisper Into Her Ear*

GA: (Rose, I Am ** _Incredibly_** Concerned! We Cant Just Leave Him Here. He Was Talking In His Sleep For Christs Sake!!)

TT: (I know, we wont be leaving him here)

EB: what are you whispering about?

TT: John, you are going to come with us.

EB: come with you to where?

TT: Our home, you’ll be staying with us for a while.

EB: what like a sleep over or something?

TT: Well, isnt that what “staying with us for a while” implies?

EB: well, thanks for the offer! but im feeling fine! so theres no need for me to impose on you, rosie!

TT: John, no, im not giving you a _choice_. You are coming to live with Kanaya and I.

EB: uh, no im not. i dont have to go with you if i dont want to.

TT: Are you serious? This isnt up for debate, you’re coming with us.

EB: Rosie, im not a little kid! i can look after myself! im a grown man! full of grit! like my father before me! seriously im fine!

TT: Thats clearly not the case, considering you have no recollection of what transpired in the last 48 hours. You’re coming with us, its literally for your own good! 

EB: no im not!

TT: Yes, you are!

EB: no, im fucking not!

## GA: JOHN EGBERT. SHUT. THE FUCK. **UP!!!** ♣

EB: whoa holy shit kanya!!

## GA: I Didnt Say _“Keep Talking”_ , I Said **SHUT. UP!  
**

EB: …!!!…

GA: I Do Not Care What You Think Or What You Feel On This Matter. I Am Not Leaving You Alone, Not Anymore!

 

GA: I-…I Just Cant! … I Cant Do That Again! I Wont Do It! I Wont Lose You! I Wont Lose Another Friend! Not Like That! I Thought I Was Done With That Bullshit!!!

EB: ok, wow, uh… i-im sorry?

TT: Kanaya! Kanaya come here.

GA: I-Im Just Sorry Rose! I Didnt Know!

*Rose embraces a sobbing Kanaya*

TT: Shuuuu-shu-shu-shuuuu…. its ok… its not your fault

GA: I Should Have Listened. Paid More Attention. I Should Have Seen It. I Should Have Acted!

TT: We both should have. The Important thing is that we know now, and we can help John. You dont have to feel bad over this, its not your fault.

EB: Uh…i dont mean to be an oblivious self-centered asshole, seriously, i dont, but am i missing something?

TT: Its nothing for you to be concerned about John, its just from a conversation we had earlier.

EB: ok i guess? i dont think i should pry, but, what was it about?

TT: As I said, its noth-

GA: -We Had A Conversation Over Your Well Being Due To Your Reclusive Behavior Over The Past Few Months Before I Came To Check Up On You And I Believed You Were Completely Fine.

TT: …Yes, thats sort of the gist of the matter.

EB: OH! well fuck! im sorry, i didnt know!

TT: John, why are you apologizing?

EB: its just…. well its just that i didnt think it-… i didnt mean to hurt your feelings Kanaya, its just that i dont want to bother you!

TT: ???

TT: John, we made the decision to take care of you, _**together.**_ Its what we **_both_** want. 

EB: it is?! but why?!

TT: You’re our **friend,** John! You’re **my** **_best_** **friend!** We all care about you! And I believe that this is the best course of action.

EB: and that course is to get me to move in with you?

TT: In my professional opinion, I actually think that its best if you left your home for a while. A change of scenery can help with a sense of getting a fresh start, and encouraging new behaviors. A new environment can help me in examining what exactly is wrong with you as the root of the issues can come to the surface.

EB: all right, but… wouldnt it be better to just do that here?

GA: We Think Its Better For You To Get A Sense For A Fresh Start.

GA: (And We Dont Want To Sleep In This Giant Mess Of A Filthy Hive With All The Writing On the Walls) 

TT:  Yes… A sense for a fresh start…

EB: a fresh start? why?

TT: John, you have spent your _ **whole life**_ living inside this house. Most of your life’s memories are associated with it, both good and bad. Its likely holding you back, possibly emotionally, arresting your development, locking you in a negative and unhealthy mindset, making you reclusive from your social life and keeping you from your friends, which is how we ended up like this. We cant catch something like this if we don’t see any of the symptoms. You’re sort of _stuck_ in your _home_ in a sense.

EB: Stuck in my Home?

TT: Yes, which is why we want you to get out of the house and into a new environment, so that you arent feeling so tied down to this place. We want you to move in with us so we can keep a particularly close eye on you while giving you the care that you need!

EB: what care exactly? like therapy?

TT: Yes, among other things. Paria told us that you’ve been having trouble sleeping for a while. We can try and find a way to help with that.

GA: kanaya, are you ok with all of this?

GA: Very Much So! I Actually Was The First To Suggest The Thought Of Having You Moving In With Us!

EB: you did?!

GA: Yes, Rose Suggested To Me That You Should Move Into Our Apartment Complex. 

TT: I suggested moving into our complex as a way of keeping you close, while also respecting Kanaya’s boundaries.

GA: But That Didnt Quite Seem Appropriate, Given You _ **Are**_ Our Friend, As It Is A Bit Too Impersonal, Rude Even. So I Told Her It Would Be A Better Idea For Us To Invite You Into Our Personal Space! To Live With Us.

EB: you’re… sure its not a problem?

GA: Yes! As A Matter Of Fact, I insist!

GA: With ** _Gusto_** …

EB: …is this what you really want, rose?

TT: It would put my mind at ease, and calm my nerves knowing you were right where I can find you and easily keep a close eye on you. I really don’t want to repeat of having the experience of losing someone I care so much about again.

EB: you mean like, how you lost your mom?

TT: …Yes, like losing my mom again.

EB: … …

EB: ok! guess its settled!

TT: You’re actually agreeing to come with us?

EB: yup! i gotta if i wanna get better and stuff, if theres something actually wrong with me!

TT: Oh thank God! I was getting genuinely worried about actually strong arming you into coming!

EB: pfft! strong arming me like how?! 

TT: John, please, psychology has always been my forte. _I have vas of making you valk~♦♥_

EB: ok, before we go, gotta figure out my affairs in order. does paria and my consorts know that im leaving?

 

EB: oh crap! does anyone else know about this situation?!

GA: We Are Keeping This Affair Private As Possible. The Only Ones Who Know Are The Three Of Us. We Already Informed Paria That You Be Coming With Us Later For An Extended Period Of Time, And She Will Keep Your HiveHome In Good Care.

GA: She Is Actually Quite The Sweetheart! Never Knew Salamanders Could Be So Soothing To Talk To!

EB: yeah, shes got that way with people. shes a great grandma and knows all of the tricks of the trade!

EB: including baking copious amounts of cakes and cookies… seriously, why is that such a constant across universes?

TT: Dont worry John, You have to be eating any spawn of confectionery endeavors when you get to our place, I promise!

EB: good! because if i have to eat another cookie, im going to kill everyone in the room… and then myself…again…

GA: Johnathan, Please, I Appreciate Your Efforts In Alleviating The Situation By Coping Through Comedy, But I Have To Ask You To Avoid Doing Such Morbid Jokes, At Least For The Time Being As They Upset Both Rose And I. Quite Deeply In Fact.

TT: What she means is, try not to be so grimdark with your humor, as it kind of puts us on edge by making us nervous, ok?

EB: yeah sorry about that, i think we should get going anyways!


	4. Quelling Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has an encounter with a Spider and a Silkmoth

You are **JOHN EGBERT** and you are in the **BIG CITY** of **NEW YORK!**

Which is on the other side of the continent! Far from your house in the Cascade Mountains of your home! 

There are all kinds of buildings here, scrapers scraping the skies! Towers as far as the eye can see, and you’re in one!

Which is really pretty! Its got a lot of marble and brass! Its really classy and striking! Which is great, because its an apartment complex! A high-end apartment complex where a lot of important and powerful people live! Such as politicians, celebrities, beautiful super models, and the otherwise upstanding!

You know this, because your friends, **ROSE LALONDE & KANAYA** **MARYAM** live in the place! As a matter of fact, they own it! They determine who live here, and they only let the best of the best in here!

Its actually mostly their political staff from what you remember. The lower half of the building seems to be mostly offices actually, and the upper half are the actual apartments.

At the top is the Penthouse, which is really like a contemporary palace. Well, contemporary if it were the 1950s! Still, its pretty swanky! Its a lot like Rose’s old house, but a lot bigger and much more spacious! Not to mention it seemes to be better thought out, as well as safer. You’ve heard some horror stories about Rose’s old home involving stairs.

You know all of this from a few parties they’ve hosted in the place, and you’re gonna get to know their home for the next… however long its gonna be, because their home is now you’re too!

The reason you’re here is that you seem to be moving into **ROSE** and **KANAYA’S** apartment, which is awfully nice of them. You dont mean to impose, but they were pretty insistent that you came to live with them

The reason for you moving in is… well, you dont feel like thinking about it, so instead you focus on other things… new things! Like, getting to know your new room! A very spacious new room! Its actually one of Rose and Kanaya’s spare bedroom’s, one of many. You arent certain how many bedrooms are in this mansion atop a tower, but you think theres at least 12.

Its well furbished. A soft Queen sized bed, nightstands of mahogany… you think anyways. Stainglass lamps of rainbow spectrum adorn said nightstands. They’re quite pretty, they fit nicely with the rest of the complex. Makes you feel like you’re in a Church, which is nice, you like Churches, especially the Gothic ones, they make great set pieces in movies, and have this really homely calming sense about them.

You give your bandaged arms a little rub, they still kinda hurt, they‘re mostly healed, but they should be entirely healed. You guess its a side effect of being dead for so long, but you think they’ll heal completely by the end of the week. Not like they’ll impede you, at least not so far, as you unpacked everything already from what you brought with you when you packed up.

Which is to say not that much was unpacked at all. Because you didnt pack up much of anything in the first place. You only brought two bags. One with clothes, the other with your toothbrush and collection of movies. You know, the bare essentials.

Well, bare enough as it is, you are legally an adult, so you could just pirate them legally now…that and you’re a legal God, so you own practically everything, kinda… point is, you really shouldn’t have gone through the shenanigans of packing these movies.

But to be fair, the flighty broad and nervous dame were being rather pushy. Kinda overbearing actually, like a pair of older sisters, or even mothers, being overly concerned. If they had nagged any harder you might have heard them “grab your toys” when packing. The very thought of it makes your epidermis crawl out of third-hand embarrassment. Thank God you were spared that possibility and it didnt happen! Oh crap you’re internally monologing.

You guess you’re also thankful Terezi isnt around to use her Mindy powers. Shed probably tease you about it, among other things… you kinda wished she was here now that you think about… aaaaand repressed~♠

Now then, what were you doing? Oh right, getting used to your new bedroom.

Yeah, this place is pretty swanky, you already considered the lovely windows, which are quite pretty you must admit. You think Kanaya made that design choice, given how much she likes rainbows, considering she drinks them, by which you mean blood, because Troll shenanigans means they have all kinds of blood colors, and not just the bright red blood that spilled from you the other day….. yeah, you kinda hope you didnt upset Kanaya too much when she found you, being all lifeless like that.

In fact, you really dont feel like you should be here. You seriously dont want to be a bother on your friends, not that you feel unwelcome, quite the opposite, but its just, this is kind of a personal problem, and not theirs. Its something you have to deal with and nobody else!

But you’re here now, under their insistence! Now what were you doing again? Damn! You’re head has been getting really foggy lately, likes somekind of haze is hanging over you. Guess its from the lack of sleep.

For now, why dont you go see what Rose and Kanaya are up to?

===================================================

John: Be Rose

===================================================

You are ROSE LALONDE, and you are sitting in your cozy living room with your loving wife KANAYA MARYAM.

The two of you are having a conversation over your friend John Egbert and the state of his condition.

TT: So John seems stable and is acclimating quite nicely so far.

 

GA: I Noticed, Quite A Relief! He Seems To Be Entirely Normal, Save For What Seems To Be A Great Deal Of Exhaustion.

TT: Which is incredibly concerning to me. I didnt notice him being at all wired up, or otherwise abnormal. Just simply overtly tired and yawning.

GA: He Did Appear To Be Rather Sleepy. Do You Think It Has Something To Do With What He Did To Himself?

TT: I cant be certain at this point, but his lack of sound sleep is defiantly a symptom for something. But we wont know what that something is until I can do a proper psychoanalysis on him. Further more, on the grounds that he is rather chipper about this, I think hes hiding his feelings from the outside world, bottling them up internally.

GA: It Doesn’t Take A Psychologist To Tell Me That Cant Be Good For Your Mental Health, Or Your Emotional State.

TT: I think its best we keep a very close eye on him. Even while he is sleeping.

GA: That Seems A Bit… Extreme, If You Ask Me. Although I Would Like To Watch Over Him Closely Myself, I Honestly Feel That We Should Not Impose THAT Much Of A Heavy Hand Of Care On Him.

TT: Its a good thing I didnt ask you. After all, if we had done things your way to begin with, we might have never found John at all.

GA: Please Dont Hold That Over My Head. I Feel Horrible Enough As It Is. I Am Merely Speaking From Experience.

TT: Your concern is noted, and it is well placed, but we dont know whats going through Johns sub-conscious right now. Hes always had odd behaviors, and I want to make sure he will be ok.

GA: Rose, I Personally Agree With You In Principal, But Violating His Personal Space Like That Will Make Him Resent Us In The End.

TT: Obviously, we shall obtain his permission to observe him as he slumbers, otherwise we wont intrude on looking after him.

GA: Why Not Simply Sleep _With_ Him Instead Then?

TT: Sleep… **_with_** him?

TT: Kanaya-

GA: Platonically, I Mean. Phrasing, Sorry.

TT: Obviously, but that is actually a good idea. One for later at least. We’ll ask him after he acclimates to his new environment.

GA: And How Do You Propose We Start In Doing That? I Believe He Might Feel A Sense Of Apprehension About Being Strong Armed Into Coming With Us.

TT: Why dont we start by feeding him? Pizza is a great way to break the ice!

TG: Pizza? Again? Really Rose? 

TT: Kanaya, you know pizza is my brands jam, and we both know it is the universal constant tradition in welcoming long-term guests.

TG: I Am Not Questioning That, Its Just That You Seem To Eat It An Awful Lot.

TG: I Think You’re Starting To Put On Weight.

EB: hey guys! what are you two talking about?

TT: Salutations, John! We were just discussing on what to have for dinner tonight. I was thinking we could have pizza!

GA: Rose! No! You Simply Cannot Just Eat Pizza 4 Days Out Of The Week! It Isnt Good For Your Figure Or Your Diet! That Bread Is Going Straight To Your Buttocks!

TT: Lets ask our guest what he thinks. John, would you like to have Pizza for dinner?~ 

EB: oh sweet! hell yes please! all of my hell yes please! lets go with pizza!

GA: Are You Serious?

TT: It appears you have been out voted thanks to our recent migrant, Kanaya. Hope you arent so tired of meat lovers~~~ 

GA: You Are Here For Less Than A Day, And Already You Are Shifting The Balance Of Power In My Hivehold.

======================================

Hours later, well into the night, John, Rose and Kanaya retire to their respective bedrooms after a night of consuming enjoyable pizza, berating one another over bodyweight and gossiping about movies of the supernatural and eldritch orientation. You had a very good time together and felt its was productive to helping John.

Rose: be Kanaya

======================================

You are KANAYA MARYAM, and you getting ready to sleep with your wife, ROSE LALONDE! Platonically you mean… or sexually, you never know, it might come to that!

Not that you mind being intimate with Rose, on contrary, you love it ♥. Its just not your intent at this time, but if she wants to, you arent saying no. Either way it shall be sleeping of the romantic kind!

You head out of your closet and into your bedroom, intending to climb into bed. You notice that it seems Rose is rather into her current Tome shes delving into despite being in her pajamas in bed herself.

GA: You Seem Rather Immersed In That Tome.

TT: Its a book on psychological impairment and its symptoms, I am brushing up on my notes.

GA: I See That You Really Are Taking This Whole Situation About John Seriously. Glad To Know It.

TT: Hes my best friend, I dont want him to suffer, and I want whatever that is driving him to do that to himself, dealt with as swiftly as possible.

 

GA: And… What Is Your Current Opinion On His Condition. Has Anything Changed?

TT: As I said before, I cant be certain without performing an analysis. I’ll get to it either tomorrow or the day after, once I feel hes acclimated.

TT: That being said however, I feel like he is either hiding it, or repressing it so hard, that it manifests in his sub-conscious and bubbling up in the form of subtle intrusive thoughts. Either one isnt good at all. But we’ll find out eventually, I hope at least.

TT: For now, lets just focus on helping him getting stabilized. 

GA:… So….

TT: …So what?

GA: When Are We Going To Tell The Others?

TT: Not for a while, at least a couple of days. We’ll tell Roxy and Terezi as they’re apart of his Quadrants, its right that they know about this situation soon. Within the week at the latest, any longer and we would just be pulling a dick move on them. The proverbial band-aid isnt going to pull itself off.

GA: And What Of Our Remaining Fellow Monarchs, Such As Karkat And Dave?

TT: We can tell Dave, given that he’s John’s best Bro.

GA: What About Karkat Then?

TT: We cant tell Karkat.

GA: And… Why Not?

TT: Because you know how irrational he gets when his friends and loved ones are in trouble.

GA: Oh Please, He Isnt THAT Bad When Caring For Others. What Harm Can Come Of Merely Informing Him?

TT: Kanaya, Dave called us for help when he was sick, not so much because of him being ill, but because Karkat wouldnt stop being excessive and overbearing in his caring for Dave.

GA: I May Not Be Able To Argue With That Point, But I Still Feel That We Should Tell Karkat Of The Situation, If Only As A Courtesy.

TT: If we told Karkat, he would flip his shit like so hard, John wouldnt be able to escape him for even a minute, and drive him to commit suicide again just get a moment away from him. He would hover over him like a Lusus over its grub, giving him excessive massages to remove stress, restricting his diet to only things that will elevate his mood, and perhaps even when taking an actual piss, simply to check to see if theres blood. We shall tell Karkat, but only after we told Dave, so that we can all prepare for his inevitable tantrum and following extreme fraternal concern.

GA: You… Sound As Though You Put A Lot Of Thought Into What Karkat Might Do.

TT: Kanaya, it may come to surprise you, that while I may have an external appearance of someone who is cool and collected

TT: [I am internally, however, I am having a fire in the office over what I need to do to help John. I even forgot his name, and was starting to panic over not recalling right away because of how stressed I was.](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DtZQJhvs4amQ%26ytbChannel%3DChaosthecrow&t=MzYwYTcyODFmMTM5YzY2ZmE5ODhmZWVkNTBmYzUzNjg0YjExZWVkOSxKOG5uaXpiYg%3D%3D&b=t%3AqBU8hVom0fG9ioEsRSDPsQ&p=https%3A%2F%2Fskaianradiance.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F174939512530%2Fheartsick-quelling-nightmares&m=1)

GA: Thank God, I Thought I Was The Only One Here Who Was Having An Internal Panic Attack!

TT: We’ll tell Karkat eventually, for now, lets just focus on our immediate concerns, and try to spread the word slowly. We dont want John getting overwhelmed and destabilizing out of a sense of guilt.

GA: Im Glad You Have Something Of A Plan. And Here I Was Expecting To Go Through All Of This Making Things Up As We Go.

TT: Now, is there anything else you would like to discuss?

GA: Not Really, No, Im Actually At A Little Ease Now That I Know You Have All, Or At Least, Most Of This Situation Under Control.

TT: Are you sure there isnt anything else on your mind, my dear?~

GA: Im Not Sure What You Mean, Rose.

[TT: Thats quite the nightie you’re wearing. ](http://cloudcyanide.tumblr.com/tagged/Homestuck/page/4)

TT: Were you expecting some carnal activity before going to sleep, in a daze of ecstatic fulfillment?~♥

GA: OH! No, Not Really, I Was Just Feeling Like Wearing Something More Fanciful Tonight As Opposed to Nothing But Underwear And A Mere Shirt.

GA: But We **_Can_** If You So Desire To Engage In Coitous Joining, I Would Be More Than Happy To Oblige~♥

TT: Hmm, I appreciate your invitation, but Im afraid I’ll have to take a rain check, I was just planning to brush up on my knowledge for psychology and then drift off to the realm of slumber.  I do have to lay the ground work if I want to build a pyramid after all. Why dont you just get a head start on me, and I’ll join you later?

TT: We’ll save our fun for another night~

 

GA: It Does Seem Much More Prudent For You To Focus On Your Work Rather Than To Rattle The Buckets For Filling.

TT: Hehehe, good night Kanny~

*Kanaya shares a sweet sensual kiss with her Wife and drifts off into her deep slumber. Rose on the other continues her reading, but eventually falls asleep herself in her Brides arms.

========

Kanaya: Be John

You are John Egbert again, and you are in a field of grass lit by a pair of Moons, one green, the other pink~ This must be Alternia! Its quite pretty if you do say so yourself. Which you didnt, not aloud, it was in your mind, which is ok by you, because damn this place looks beautiful! 

You are walking across the fields, striding across the lavender red grass, until you come to a shoreline.

EB: VRISKA!!!

AG: Hmm? …

EB: vriska! hey its me! where you been! 

AG: Excuse you ple8, 8ut do I know you?

EB: what you dont recognize me?! its me! john egbert!

AG: Pretty sure I’d recognize something gross looking like yourself, idiot.

EB: uh… ok, thats kind of a dick way to say hi to someone you wanted to be friends with, but whatever

AG: Friends? With you? Pffft, thats quite an outlandish declar8on, even for a lil indigo fuck8oi creep like yourself! Why the fuck would I ever want to 8e associ8d with you in terms of company, much less 8e your friend?

AG: Nice pajamas 8y the way! What poor corpse did you ro8 those off of?

EB: are you 8eing serious right now? i got em in the game, from skaia! sburb and stuff? you got a set too, dont you?

AG: I havent the single clue as to what you’re even talking a8out, 8oy 8lunder.

EB: vriska! you know who i am dammit, we played that game together, dont you remember? you’re the one who helped me get this very outfit that you’re mocking!

AG: Oh my dear Lord, thats just sad!~

EB: what is?

AG: _**You are**_ , thats what! You’re just a path8tic, loenly gamer who 8uys into his own character profile 8S. So desper8 for attention, that you’ll walk up to any of your 8etters and risk getting your ass culled just to have someone acknowledge your pointless existence. What? Your Lusus up and die on you or something? Or did it simply up and walk away? Pro8a8ly doesn’t matter, I get the feeling that its gr8ful to 8e rid of you and your filthy company. Good move, I say, good for your Guardian! I would have done the same at first opportunity.

EB: ok that… you’re…  you’re being really mean vriska!

AG: …Holy shit, are you crying?! even that lil shit-stain of a runt Tavros has more of a spine than you do, and thats saying something! Talk a8out a new low.

AG: Listen, you can do us 8oth a favor, and everyone you ever came into contact with, and find the nearest patch of land, dig a ditch, and 8ury yourself in it, and wait until you stop 8reathing. You know, do something that others would appreci8 from you for once, and just die, ok? That way your life will at least end on a high note~

EB: hell no! my friends would miss the living fuck out of me, i aint gonna kill myself, that would be so lame of me!!

AG: Friends? What friends? I see no friends here! Unless you’re talking a8out figments of your imagination, in which case, cant say that I 8lame you, must pretty lonely  8eing all 8y yourself your whole life with no one wanting to have anything to do with you on the grounds that you. Id make up imaginary friends too just make myself feel 8etter a8out having none.

EB: i have friends, ok? i got rose, terezi, roxy, dave, jade, nanna, kanaya, karkat, not to mention all of the other trolls!

AG: I guess then it seems that its your friendship thats imaginary, 8ecuase I dont see anyone here that would declare themselves to 8e your friend, and honestly, thats seems pretty telling to me! Talk a8out a pitifully painful existence~

AG: 8ut dont worry, it doesn’t have to stay that way~

EB: it doesn’t?

AG: Thats right, “John”, you end all of this loneliness, if you just take my advice, and simply off yourself. No more pain, no more loneliness, no more you.

EB: but… my friends

AG: They wont miss you, I promise! Like I said, you’ll 8e doing everyone a favor~

EB: vriska i… i thought you were my-

AG: Friends? HAH! No. Whatever imaginary relationship you thought up to make yourself feel 8etter a8out your motherfucking existence. You’re just 8eing delusional.

AG: Now, do me a solid, and get the hell out of my sight you squirming lil maggot, I cant stand the sight of you any longer, its making me sick just looking at you.

EB: but i…. o-…ok.

AG: I didnt say “Keep talking to me” I said _”Fuck off_ ” as in **“Now”,** you motherfucker. **  
**

She turns her back to you, ending the conversation. You turn to walk sullenly away, your posture dour, movement sluggish, like you have the weight of on anvil coming down onto your body. The world darkens, as you feel a part of yourself empty out into nothingness, for you have misunderstood your place in the world, and you are entirely unwanted by everyone and everything.

You feel that what she said was right.

You wander into the forest, to find a quiet place to… stop existing. Not for nothing, it will at least make the situation for all of your friends better if you arent around anymore… right?

Its getting pretty dark now. Kinda hard to see where you’re going. But thats ok, you wont be going anywhere for very long very soon.

========================

John: Be someone else

========================

You are Kanaya Maryam, and you are asleep. Well, you WERE asleep, but you’re waking up for some reason.

Is it your wife Rose? No shes asleep like a wiggler. Heh, shes drooling a lil onto her pillow, thats really cute~

She must have passed out from studying, the lights still on. But that wasnt what woke you up. Something in your ears is making you concerned.

No, not quite, you hear something, its subtle but its there, and its making you tense….. breathing you think? What is that?

You climb out of bed, and make your way to your open respiteblock door, guess you forgot to close it again, you dont have guests over that often. But you hear something, that is certain. Is it Johnathan?

You cross the hall to his respiteblock door, you hear him breathing through it.

No, something else, he isnt breathing, its like hes panting. Is he hurt?!

You gently open the door and scan the block to find it is dark, and John seems to be in his bed. You cant make out what hes doing, so you go in closer for a better look, and engage your Rainbow Drinker bio-luminescence for a gentle glow.

He’s isnt hurt, he’s crying in his sleep! His tears are pouring out of his eyes and making his pillow wet. His eyes and face are flushed red from sorrow! How is he still slumbering though all of that?!

You… dont really know what you should do. You know he needs his rest, but you also want to wake him up. Should you get Rose?

You take a seat on his bed, and watch in bitter fascination of his face. He’s trembling, across his whole body. Is he having a nightmare? Is that really it?

You cant keep watching this instinctively reach out to wake him up, but at the last second, you simply place your hand gently on his head, and he retracts it away in response. Did you startle him?! Did you wake him up?!

No, you dont think so. But he stopped sobbing, so thats good.

You place your hand back onto his head and he retracts it away again, but not quite so much. Hes not breathing as hard like he was. 

Maybe you’re on to something? You sit there observing him, his eye rolling around actively. Must be having quite a nightmare, but the touch from your hand might be soothing him.

You try something else and lay down next to him, and wrap one of your arms around his body out of a sense of platonic pity. He seems to be a really heavy sleeper if he isnt awake right now from your touching, but at least he seems less tense, or at least it looks that way.

You just sort of lay there for a while, sharing the warmth of your bodies with one another, until you decide to get under the covers for some completely platonic and aromantic cuddling.

Hes like a log, but he sleeping much more soundly. Is this what he needed the whole time?! Just a snuggle buddy?

Well, John is your friend, and you’re serious about helping him however you can. You’re sure he’ll be ok with you giving him a platonic cuddle to help him sleep, your Friendship Simulator has prepared you for a moment just such as this.

Thankfully, your platonic cuddle seems to be working, which is good, because you’re quite tired yourself, and are glad you can go back to sleep.

You wrap your arms around him in a hug of compassion, and he quiets down into a soft rhythm of log sawing and gentle snoring, which compels you into nodding off into the real of dream.

You genuinely hope that this helps.

===============

Kanaya: Be John

===============

You are John Egbert once more, and you are waking up from a bad dream. Alot of the details are pretty fuzzy, and you have the taste of Welches grape juice in your mouth for some reason, which you are currently craving.

You remember finding someone really important, but you started to feel sad and angry about it, then you felt REALLY sad.

You hope you dont have another dream like that again. You were cold and felt pretty bad for some reason. 

Except for that part near the end, things got a lot better, you felt warm and safe and secure, like a child in its mothers arms, or a man in his lovers arms…. ** _and repressed~_**

Fuck you Sigmund Freud! Metaphorically in the Platonic sense! Rose shall not have her field day with her psycho bullshit today! Not in that way at least! 

You rouse yourself from your bed and open your eyes only to find they’re burning, like someone poured salty water onto them! You rub them out of their pain, and its a lil better, just enough for you to open them. Still burns, but hey, progress!

You pull your head from your kinda moist pillow and you hear firecrackers going off in your neck as you moved. Damn you feel stiff as a board! Must have slept like a log last night!

You attempt to climb out of bed, but something is keeping you down, and i aint **the man**. Which is good, because you’re the metaphorical governmental **man** now, technically, and keeping yourself down isnt very conductive to being a ruler. 

No, it is something else that holding you back. You uncover yourself find that its a pair of gray noodles wrapped around your torso. You look behind yourself and find that th noodles are in fact arms and are in fact attached to body

This isnt your beautiful house, and this isnt your beautiful wife. Not that she isnt beautiful that is, on the contrary, shes very beautiful, and she is somebody’s beautiful wife, specifically your best friend Rose Lalonde’s beautiful wife, Kanaya Maryam!

And shes sleeping in your bed next to you… heh, shes drooling a little bit, thats cute~

But a big question is raised, **_why_** is Kanaya sleeping your bed with you?

EB: um… kanaya?

You poke your friends beautiful wife awake. She lets out a great big yawn, showing off her rather pointy teeth, particularly her sharp fangs, stretches her legs from under the covers, all the while still holding you in her rather strong and quite comfortable embrace!

Like this is so toasty warm and comfy, you dont even know!

GA: Oh, Good Morning Johnathan! I Hope You Slept Well Are Waking Up Just As Soundly!

EB: did i sleep well? not really. waking on the other hand isnt so much because i have this burning question that i gotta ask you.

GA: Really? And What Is It That Irritates Your Think-Pan?

EB: what the heck are you doing in my bed with me!?

GA: Oh… 

GA: Well, Last Night You Seemed To Have Been Having A Bad Dream, And I Was Roused From My Sleep To Investigate Your Distress. You Were… Having A Difficult Time, So I Felt Compelled To Intervine In Some Way.

EB: by… sleeping with me?

GA: That Wasnt My First Thought, But, Yes. I Touched Your Head In An Attempt To Wake You Up, But It Seemed To Calm You Down Instead. And Since I Didnt Want To Wake You Up On The Account That I Felt That You Sleeping Soundly Was More Important. You Seem Quite Exhausted Ever Since You Got Here.

EB: well… thanks i guess? you could have just woken me up though, you didn’t have to sleep in the same bed as me even if you didnt want to.

GA: I Didnt Say That I Didnt Want To.

EB: wait, you **_wanted_** to?

GA: Well, Yes, Obviously, Otherwise I Wouldnt Have Done It!

EB: in that case im sorry for making you feel like you had to do something for me.

GA: Excuse Me, But What Do You Mean?

EB: what im saying is that im trying to not be a burden on you two and stuff. i appreciate the effort, but seriously, you dont have to do anything for me if you dont want to and junk.

GA: Johnathan, Its Not An Issue For Me Or Rose. You seemed Like You needed Help And I Wanted To Give That Help To you! **Thats Why You Are Here With Us, As Opposed To Being Bent Out Of Shape In Your Hive .** Rose And I Would Not Have Insisted On Having You Come With Us, Otherwise.

EB: yeah, i appreciate that, seriously i do, but i dont want to be some kind useless douche bag bum that sleeps on your guys couch for the rest of eternity taking advantage of your kindness for all time and stuff.

GA: Johnathan, Our Hive Is Your Hive. We Want To Help You. We Dont Do This Out Of A Mere Sense Of Unspoken Contractual Duty, Or Because We Wish To Feel Better About Ourselves, It Is Because We Genuinely Want To See That You Are Both Safe And Happy, Because We Care About You. 

GA: Personally, I Just Cant Stand The Thought Of Someone Like You Suffering For Any Reason. You Are Far Too… **_Undeserving_** Of Such A Fate In My Optic Spheres. It Would Be No Different Than Seeing Karkat Or Rose Suffering As Far As I Am Concerned.

GA: More Importantly, I Dont Ever Want To See Another Friend In A Pool Of Their Own Blood In The Way I Found You Again.

GA: So I Am More Than Willing To Do Whatever It Takes To Help You To Get Through Whatever Is Causing You Such Grief!

 

GA: I Dont Know How Long That Will Take, So Please, Do Me A Favor, And Dont Feel Bad About Us Caring For You. You Dont Need To Worry About How I Feel About It, Because… Would You Not Do The Same For The Rest Of Us? 

EB: …

EB: i think you’re right! i probably would do the same for you and Rose or any of the others!

EB: thanks kanaya, for letting me into your home and helping me sleep, I think.

*Kanaya embraces John in a friendly hug of supportive companionship*

GA: You Are Welcome Johnathan, I’ll Be More Than Delighted To Help You As Much As You Need In Order To Have A Sound Slumber.

EB: wait! do you think rose will be mad about you sleeping in the same bed as me? i mean nothing happened, obviously, but still wont she be mad about this? you two are married after all!

GA: Im Sure She Would Have Done The Same, And I Doubt She Would Be Upset Over Something So Trivial.

EB: but… what if she DOES get mad? i dont want to be a homewrecker and come between you two, thats exactly the shit i dont want on my conscious!

GA: You Let Me Worry About That.

EB: but ro-

*pap*

GA: Shoooooossshhh. No Talking, Only Grubcakes Now, Which Is A Part Of A Balanced Breakfast, Which You Need, As You Need Your Balanced Breakfast To Get A Good Head-Start On The Day Ahead.

EB: …ok…

GA: …

EB: uh, kanaya?

GA: Yes Johnathan?

EB: your hand is still on my face….

GA: …Sorry.

EB: …Its still on my face.

GA: That Is Because It Is Quite Touchable. Those Salty Tear Made The Texture Of Your Cheeks Feel Appealing To Touch.

EB: Oh…ok…

GA: Do You… Want Me To Stop?

EB: No its… actually quite nice, you can if you want to though.

GA: I Shall Do So…In A Moment


	5. Loving Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is informed of Terezi, Roxy and Calliope's return from their trips
> 
> They aren't happy.

You are ROSE LALONDE

And you just finished your third therapy session with JOHN EGBERT, and things were pretty productive. 

EB: so is… that it then?

TT: That’s it, unless you have something else you feel like sharing. Which I encourage you do, since we are still here.

EB: nah, i was actually getting a lil sleepy, glad we can do something else now.

TT: Ok, then why dont you run along and play now, the big kid toys on the playground are open~

EB: ok i’ll-

EB: …rose…>:B

TT: Sorry, you just seemed like an eager child waiting for recess, wanting to burn off his energy in a game of tag. A lil playfulness isnt going to hurt~

EB: right, well, your eagerness to reduce me to child-like context makes me think you might want kids, or could be an assertion to your unfulfilled childhood.

TT: Using my status as psychologist, and attempting to use it on me, can be interpreted as a sort of challenge, a display for primal ugres pertaining to the desire for dominance.

TT: Is this your way of saying that you want dominate me John?~♥

EB: what?! no! i want nothing of the sort! <:B

TT: Or perhaps you want me to dominate you?~

EB: ok, enough! this is weird enough as it is and i want no part of your weird kinky fantasies!

TT: Doesn’t take a psychologist to know that you love it~

John absconds tfo, likely off to reevaluate his sense of company… or at least grab a bite to eat. Which might be a good idea for you to do yourself. You haven’t eaten much of anything all day, and you are gonna need some energy to digest all of these notes.

Oh boy, what a choice of words to apply to your thoughts, you really are hungry!

Either way, you got a lot of things to go through, today really was productive, so many notes to go through!

Which is what you WOULD say, or think, if you werent a liar. There really isnt much more you have garnered that you don’t already know. The therapy sessions with John haven’t yielded much thus far, but these things tend to take time.

At least he is here with you and Kanaya. Speaking of whom, you feel like visiting her afterwords… specifically after your own snack.

You head out of your office, and into your kitchen. Its a spacious place, nice and wide, ready to make a feast if it needs to, especially a state dinner meant for discussing the worlds issues and the like. Rather dull affairs usually, even if they do tickle your **_“woman of power”_** side quite a bit. Being a Goddess has its weight of duty behind it, but it also has its perks~

You don’t worry about wealth or food, and you feel rather fulfilled acting as both a literal Queen and Goddess ruling a part of the world. Your Mother would be proud were she alive today… which she technically is, both alive and proud of you.

Speaking of whom, you informed her of the situation this morning, about John’s general condition and beckoned her return as soon as possible given that the situation is rather urgent, though not dire. However, you omitted the part about his incident in the bathroom. You don’t want to build up excessive stress in their minds and risk making them hysterical.

Kanaya had the duty informing Terezi of the situation as they know each other better than you do, being Troll lends an air of intrinsic understanding that you would not be innately imbued with, that much you have come to understand  studying the psychology of Trolls.

Anyways, you simply are here in the kitchen for a slice of pizza, you don’t know why, but you have been craving this pie of Italian cuisine for over a month now. Meat lovers in particular has caught your fancy, though you have been mixing things up with everything on it and veggie pizza’s.

You guess its that they remind you of home, you sort of miss those nights your Mother called in for a delivery when she didn’t cook anything for the evening… or did cook something, and it was an egregious disaster. Part of you thought she did it out of spite, but looking back, she simply enjoyed it as much as you did. In fact, you think it was one of those times when the two of you sort of put your supposed game of will’s aside and just enjoyed each others company, in your own ways.

[Originally posted by everybody-loves-to-eat](https://tmblr.co/ZhvvJw29jpT7b)

Regardless, you have been on a pizza kick, and you need your fix for the night ahead, so you open the fridge

to find your leftover are missing and now assumed eaten by an entity other than yourself!

… … …

TT: …

TT: Whatever, didn’t **_need_** it anyways.

Need is the correct term, but you really did ** _want_** it. You guess John must have eaten the last of it. Oh well, its not the end of the world again, you can always just order another one, you get them basically for free. Then again, you don’t want to go through the hassle, you’re not that up for pizza again now that you think about it. Annoyed from hunger pains, you instead choose to go a much more healthy rout of crafting yourself a rather tasty salmon sandwich, with a side of cheese and a glass of grape juice.

[Originally posted by butteryplanet](https://tmblr.co/ZZGNTl2IYohA8)

You ** _WOULD_** have some wine, but you need your wits about you for the upcoming trial in mediating this interaction between John and his romantic partners. Both have been gone from his life for a long period of time, months in fact. Breaking the news to them of their lover’s emotional decay into self-harm and outright suicide is going to be a dance of caution to say the least. You really don’t want them to turn into hysterical broads over this, like you think they might. They might just blame themselves, which is an overtly strong possibility.

You finish your meal, not as fulfilling as pizza, it lacks that mild-mannered bread crust which you dig all kinds of hella on, but salmon has its own sweet charm~

As you were consuming your middle-class gourmet, you went over your notes during your sessions with John and things are… odd. There is certainly depression going on. Deep depression, yet nothing that would compel suicide. He is sad, very sad in fact, but not outright miserable, at least from what you can glean from so far.

At least he is in your care, you wouldn’t be much of a friend had you merely left him there alone in his house… sort of like what you did over the last few years. You literally had no idea he had gotten that bad, or else you would have intervened earlier. But then again, Roxy and Terezi might not have had any idea, as John was hiding his emotions and repressing them. Seems like they’re finally coming out due to isolation in the form of deep depression. You really can’t let him be alone again anymore, or else you might get a repeat of the bathroom incident.

You feel a reasonable compulsion to share this information with your wife, Kanaya. You clean up your mess in the kitchen and go looking for her. Which isn’t a very long search, as you find her in the living on a terminal. She seems to be playing a video game of some kind

  


GA: NO! I Dodged It’s Grabbing Lunge And Got Away, How In The Blazing Hell Did That Fat Fucking Bastard Catch Me?!!

She seems to be having a bad time.

TT: You seem to be having a good time.

GA: I Am Having An Absolutely Lively Celebration…

TT: Do you have a minute?

GA: I Do **_Now_**. I Need A Break Anyways, For This Game Has Ben Crush My Patience For Several Half-Hours Now.

TT: What were you playing? An RPG Action game?

GA: A Gaming Title That John Discovered Recently.  Supposed To Be Considered Quite The Quality Recreational Engagement From What I Understand.

TT: Seems like a lot of fun.

GA: It Is! I Am Rather Enjoying Myself.

TT: I was… being sarcastic?

GA: And I Was Being Sincere.

TT: It sounded like you were hating it with a true passion.

GA: I Was… But In A Sort Of ♠Caliginous Manner♠. I Don’t Know What It Is, But This Game’s Brutality Is Rewarding When You Overcome It’s Challenges~♠

GA: This Thing Sincerely Hates Me, But It Wants Me To Win, And So I Hate It In Return For That~♠

TT: Uh-huh… anyways, I wanted to talk to you about our guests that are going to arrive shortly

GA: Terezi And Roxy? In Relation To Johnathan I Assume.

TT: Yes, more specifically on how we are going to break the news to them directly. I am not sure as to what method we should use.

GA: Perhaps Isolating Them Would Help Us Engage In The Relaying Of Our Honestly Dour Predicament?

TT: Maybe, but as I said, I am not certain, this whole situation is tricky to even talk about with John.

GA: Well, We Don’t Have The Time To Dally On It All Evening, They As Our Guests Will Be Arriving Within The Hour.

TT: I actually expected both of them to be here sooner, I suppose they had to take care of something before coming.

GA: But More To Your Point, Maybe It’s Better If We Just Told Them Both Up Front At Once  And Get It Out Of The Way.

TT: Both at once? Why? That just seems like a way to escalate the situation to an all time high, wouldnt it be better to just be more subtle and work up to it?

GA: If We Did That We Might Make Things Worse, Especially With Terezi, Who Has A Habit Of Figuring Things Out, Being A Seeress Of Mind And All.

TT: How do you think Terezi will react? I can fathom what Roxy might do, probably become distraught over news of John’s self-harm, but Terezi I don’t think I can predict given how wild she is.

GA: She… Might Be Calm And Collected About It, OR She Might Become Overly Furious Over Him Committing Such An Act.

GA: Which Is To Say That I Am Not Sure Either As To How Terezi Will React Either. I Am A Bit Worried How This Is Going To Transpire.

TT: A stern possiblity is that th-*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

TT: Sounds like our guests ar-*KR4SH*

TT: !!!

GA: **!**!!

TT: I do believe that our guests **_are indeed_** here… glad one of them could give us an adequate amount of time to prepare for their entry

*Terezi and Roxy enter the room, proving the Seer of Light correct in her assumption of their arrival. They dont appear overly happy at the moment.*

CG: G33T1NGS OTH3R L4LOND3. N1C3 TO SM3LL YOU 4G41N K4N4Y4!

GA: Good To “See“ You As Well, Terezi. I Hope Your Trip Was Fruitful.

CG: 1T W4SNT, 4S 1 4M ST1LL CURR3NTLY SHORT OF 4 VR1SK4…

TG: hey rosie, how you doin?

TT: Hello Roxy, I am doing fi-

CG: WH3R3S JOHN?

TT: That was brief. What? You don’t want to relax and catch up for few minutes?

CG: YOU C4LL3D M3 4W4Y FROM MY S34RCH FOR MY SCOURG3 S1ST3R, NOW 1 W4NT TO KNOW WHY. 1 4M 4SSUM1NG 1TS SOM3TH1NG S1GN1F1C4NTLY 1MPORT4NT, 4S YOU H4V3 R1SK3D MY WR4TH. 1 WOULD R4TH3R SK1P TH3 PL34S3NTR13S 4ND G3T TO TH3 PO1NT 1F YOU DONT M1ND.

TT: He’s…

TT: Actually I am not sure what he is up to at the moment.

GA: He Is Currently In His Respite Block I Believe.

 

CG: WH1CH R41S3S TH3 QU3ST1ON 4S TO WHY H3 1S H3R3 TO B3G1NG W1TH.

TG: ye, y isnt he at his house? you made it snd like smt srs happended

GA: As You Were Informed, Johnathan Is The Subject Of Strenuous Circumstances And Has Come Under Our Watchful Care.

 

TG: wat kind of issues we talkin here? like hes got a broken leg or pranked the wrong asshole and now we got a polkal debecle again, or wats the story here?  
TG: *political debacle

 

TT: No, it’s more like something along the lines of personal care. He… well, in your’s and Terezi’s absence he seemed to have become reclusive and appeared to have gotten depressed and he might have engaged in some harmful behavior.

TG: wat? laik he tried to hang himself or smthing?

TT: Um…. oh boy…ok so, “Tried” isn’t the word I would use… buuut…

TG: …w-wait, wat the fuck r u saing rose? did he actually try to kill himself or smthing?

GA: Should We Just Tell Them?

TG: tell us what?

CG: TH4T SOM3TH1NG R34LLY B4D H4PP3N3D TO JOHN. 1F YOUR3 B31NG TH1S DODG3Y, TH4T WOULD 1MPLY TH4T 1T W4S OF TH3 D1R3 V4R13TY 4ND W3 M1GHT P4N1C, SO STOP ST4LL1NG 4ND T3LL US WH4T H4PP3ND3D!

GA: Rose, I Acknowledge That You Already Had A Plan In Place To Prepare Them But Should We Simply Tell Them Now? It Seems They Made A Number Of Assumptions They, And Are Making Things Worse.

TT: Im literally trying to tell them. But im trying to do it in a way that wont make them hysterical!

TG: tell us **wat?!** nuff of the third degre and tell us whats goin on with john! hes ok right?!

TT: Yes, at this moment he is fine. You shouldnt be so worried right now.

CG: BUT H3 W4SNT F1N3, OR 3LS3 YOU WOULDNT H4V3 US3D THOS3 WORDS 1N ORD3R TO D3SCR1B3 H1S CURR3NT COND1T1ON 1N R3L4T1ON TO WH3N YOU OR1G1N4LLY FOUND H1M

GA: Rose I… Think They Have A Strong Idea Of What Happended, I Do Not Think There Is Much To Be Gained In Dragging This Out.

TT: *sigh* Very well then… a week ago, we were getting worried about John and his condition as he was becoming withdrawn and his behavior was particularly odd. He wasn’t really as energetic or as lively as he once was and Kanaya and I began to notice. He wasn’t answering any of my calls or messages for a long while, so Kanaya was sent to his home to investigate if he was well… turned out he… wasnt

 

TG: …and? what was wrong?

TT: Um… we arent entire sure what caused it, or if John was aware of what he did to himself. God this is harder to break than I thought.

GC: W41T… YOUR3 S4Y1NG TH4T H3 4CTU4LLY… **TR13D TO OFF _H1MS3LF?!_**

TT: …Apparently, yes… Kanaya found him in his bathtub.

TG: back the fuck up, what do you mean by that exactly?!

GA: I Found Him In His Bathtub… There…There Was Blood Everywhere And He Was… Not Moving… I Was Afraid He Was Gon And… I Kissed Him In An Attempt To Revive Him-

TG: but you said he was alive right?! hes ok right now?!

TT: Yes, as stated, he is currently all right. Its as though it never happened. Kanaya Revived Him.

TG: so hes ok then, right now i mean?

TT: Yes, he’s fit as a fiddle. As I said, its like it never happended.

TG: ok good, terezi, they said he was in his room in this apartment, didnt they?

 

CG: Y34H TH3Y D1D, WH1CH M34NS H3S SOM3WH3R3 1N H3R3

TG: thanks rezi *does the rouge of voidy thing and vanishes tfo*

GA: Um… What Did Roxy Intend With That Stipulation Prior To Her Visual Diminishing?

GA: Then Why Did She Engage Her Voidy Powers?

=======

Elsewhere in the apartment, a very hysterical broad slowly opens the door to her boyfriends bedroom, and finds him watching a video with a pair of earphones, meaning the door opening went unheard. He seems rather into it, not sure why, but either way provides the broad with an opportunity to do this to the bum that she calls boyfriend.

*PILLOW SMACK*

EB: AH WHAT THE FUCK?!  *windy thing*

EB: holy shit what was that?!

TG: me, thats what *un-voidy thing appearify*

EB: oh, its just you… what the hell is- *PILLOW BOPPED*

EB: ow! what the motherfucking shit roxy?!

TG: im motherfucking mad as hell at u right now, thats the motherfucking shit, john!

EB: well, hello again to you too i guess, why the fuck are you mad exactly?

TG: u kno exactly why im mad u dum adorable bastard, u cant fool me!

EB: oh… u saw it then?

TG: no! i wasnt there and shit, i just learned about it! i would have been here sooner if i knew what you did to yourself!!!

EB: …wait, what are you talking about?

TG: u killing urself and kanaya finding you dead in the bathtub, wat the ever living shit do u think i was talking about?!

EB: ooooh, hehehe, thought you were mad about something else.

TG: wha-…what in the hell r u doin laffin about this? this is srs! REALLY serious! Seriously, why in loving fuck are you so chipper about this shit?!

EB: well its kind of hard to explain but-

*Rose, Kanaya and Terezi Appear*

TT: May I ask what you two are doing that is doing me a significant concern?

GA: I Second This Query, What Are You Doing?

EB: hey rose, kanaya…

EB: t3r3z1…

GC: JOHN…

TT: Roxy, answer me, what were you doing running off like that?

TG: to see john, duh!

TT: And why was there a commotion that was making a stir the ocean?

EG: hah!

TG: dude, srsly, i am so srs right now, y r u laughing?

EB: cuz it was funny?

TG: how could u be lafing about this shit?

EB: like i said it was funny! or at least i thought it was funny, so why wouldnt i laugh?

TG: because u killed yourself, or tried to! this isnt something u should be laughing about!

GC: 1 AGR33 W1TH 1NFORM4L L4LOND3, TH1S S1TUT4T1ON 1S NO L4UGH1NG M4TT3R. DO YOU M1ND T3LL1NG US YOUR S1D3 OF TH3 STORY FOR TH3 S4K3 OF POST3R1TY?

TG: yeah, tell us y u did it john! from your mouth, i wanna hear what u have 2 say bout wat happened.

EB: um… ok, theres really not much to say. where do you want me to start? 

GC: HOW 4BOUT TO TH3 PO1NT? D1D YOU DO 1T JOHN 3GB3RT? D1D YOU 4CTU4LLY TRY TO K1LL YOURS3LF?

EB: i don’t i did?

TG: da fuks that supposed to mean? u either did it or u didnt! now which is it?!

EB: i guess i did it in my sleep then? i dont really remember how it happended if im being honest, i just sort of went to sleep one night and i woke up in the bathtub with kanaya…

GC: TH4TS 4LL YOU R3M3MB3R?

EB: thats all i remember!

GC: …

GC: BULLSH1T! YOU H4V3 TO B3 OM1TT1NG SOM3TH1NG! NOW STOP PR3T3ND1NG TO B3 4 CR1M1N4L W1TH SOM3TH1NG TO H1D3 4ND T3LL US WH4T YOUR3 H1D1NG!

TT: Oh God, Terezi, no! Stop this line of questioning immediately! Its not good for him to be invoking emotions he doesn’t feel comfortable invoking on his own!

EB: ok, this is getting a little bit uncom-

TG: would u knock it the fuck off rose? were tryin to get a grasp of the situation, we got a right to know whats going on!

EB: can you guys ju-

TT: Thats not your call to make, you aren’t his therapist, I am!

GC: L3G4LLY OR AR3 YOU JUST S4Y1NG TH4T TO L3ND YOURS3LF 4N 41R OF 4UTHORITY?

TT: Yes, legally! I’ve been having therapeutic sessions with him and helping him adjust enough to get comfortable and you two have been undoing all of that progress with your incessant questioning like an unexpected inquisition!

TG: well we didn expect him to offhimself while we were gon n shit rosie, wegot a right to know y he did it and all that jazz so we can help him!

EB: guys, seri-

TT: Yes you do have a right, but you need to wait until John is ready, any sooner and you might make him more withdrawn. That’s why we didn’t have John with us so that we could minimize stress!

GC: W3LL TH1S WHOL3 SH1TTY S1TU4T1ON 1S STR3SS1NG M3 TH3 H3LL OUT! 1 D1DNT W4NT TO COM3 JUST TO F1ND OUT MY K1SM3S1S 1S ON TH3 BR1NK OF T4K1NG H1MS3LF OUT! HOW DO YOU TH1NK W3 F33L 4BOUT TH1S?!

TT: Its not about you, Terezi, its about helping John, and your current behavior isnt helping anything at all, including your stress!

EB: guys im willing to help, it’s jus-

TG: doesn’t help when we don’t know what happened to john. laik, did he do it or did he not do it?!

TT: That’s what we are trying ti figure out, Roxy, it’s just that this is going to take time, and we need to give him space so he can get adjusted and emotionally heal, and you two are making that quite difficult to do in the first place!

TG: bullshit! ur tellin me u had all week to figure out what the fuck went down and u still have-

GA: Would You Collection Of Inconsiderate Buffoons

## GA: ♣SHUT THE EVER **LOVING _FUCK UP_!!!♣**

TT: <:X

TG:<:P  
TG:*<:O

CG: !!! >:O

EB: <:B

 

GA: ♣THE SINCERITY THAT IS MY PERSONAL DISBELIEF AT THE WITNESSING OF YOUR APPALLING MISTREATMENT OF YOUR QUADRANT-MATE IS MAKING ME ABSOLUTELY GOD DAMN FUCKING LIVID!!! NO WONDER HE TRIED TO HOMICIDE HIMSELF, HE HAS YOU TWO TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE LIFE ISNT WORTH LIVING TO BEGIN WITH!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU INCONCEIVABLY VEXING FUCKWIT CUNTS?!♣(♠?)

GC: 4LL R1GHT NOW SM3LL H3R3 M1SSY FUSSY F4NGS! 1 W1LL-

GA: NO! **Shut! Up!** Cease Your Bitching This Instant And Remain Silent Before I **_Literally_ Smack** Your Shit Out Of My Hive!!!

GC: …ok  <:T

GA: You Two… You Two Are Supposed To Be His Quadrant-Mates… And Upon Learning Of His Predicament, This Is How You Treat Him? By Interrogating Him Endlessly Like He Did Something Wrong?! You Have Done Nothing But Not Even So Much As Asked Him How He Felt! You Should Be Consoling Him, Not Berating Him Like You Are Doing Now!

TG: i dont have to take this, wat do u think we’re doin? we’re tryin to help him and we’re-

TT: Actually, it seems like you two are trying to get to the bottom of things on your own terms, but from what I can tell, you two are merely panicking about it.

TG: …

GC: …

TG: ok… maybe we did panic a lil, and…

TG: shit i didnt this through at all did i?

EB: can i say something?

TT: Of course you may John. This situation **IS** literally about you.

EB: yeah, i… roxy, terezi, i don’t know what happened to me, but im being honest, i really dont know how i ended up in the tub. and since i guess you two care alot about me, you were upset over me not being open with you or something?

TT: John, its not your faul-

EB: hey! can i finish!?

TT: …Just remember that its not your fault…go on.

EB: thanks rose. anyways… whatever is making you angry about this… its ok i think. we can just talk it out, right? 

GC: …Y34H, W3 C4N B3 R4T1ON4L 4BOUT TH1S.

TG: i just wanna kno y u didnt tell us about how you were feelin. like were u sad or some shit?

TT: AH! We can discuss all of this later, together, in a more formal setting. Otherwise, let’s just focus on relaxing. I think we should just this all emotional turmoil for when we are ready.

TG: ok! but just let me ask one serious question.

TT: If John wants to answer, then go ahead.

EB: sure rox, only under the condition u tell me y u panicked so hard that u snuck up on me to hit me with a pillow.

TG: i was… mad. thats y i rogued u.

EB: about what exactly?

TG: alot of things. things like, when i asked u to come wtih me an calliope on our tour and u said no. made me think u were mad or sad or something when rose told me bout ur… tub-nap, like i did it or something.

EB: oh… i said no because i thought you and calli wanted some space, thats all.

TG: dude! if we wanted space we would have let u know up front! i dont play that shit! i asked u to cum because we both wanted u to cum!

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3333

TG: y u laffin?

GC: OH JUST SOM3TH1NG FUNNY 1 THOUGHT 4BOUT

TG: whateves, rez. look, john, im sorry if i made you feel bad at any point over the last few yeras, but i need u to talk to me about this sort of thing, ok? im also sorry about boppin u with a pillow, that was a dick move on my part.  
TG:*years

EB: its roxy, dont worry about it! you were just having a panic attack-

TG: no its not, u scared the fuck outta me, and i really… REALLY dont wanna lose u! espeically not like that! i ju-

TT: I think thats enough for now. We can have a therapy session sometimes next week. For now lets just calm down and try to have a good time together, ok?

GC: HMMMM

GA: Is There Something You Wish To Add Terezi?

GC: MMMMM, NOT H3R3. JOHN, YOU 4ND 1 W1LL T4LK L4T3R

EB: oh great, alone with the swamp monster that licks everything and rarely brushes, fan freaking tastic.

GC: W3 W1LL SP34K 4S M4T3S, 4ND NOT 4S R1V4LS, YOU D1TZ.

EB: …… uh…

TT: Ok! We are done in here. We shouldn’t even be having this honestly rather awkward conversation in John’s bedroom of all places.

TT: Why don’t we all go downstairs and watch a movie, or play a videogame or something. I’ll order us a pizza for dinner!

GA: No.

TT: …Kanaya, we talked about this. You can’t stop me from ordering pizza, even if you wanted to. Besides we have guests, so one more night of Italian gourmet isn’t going to kill any of us.

GA: That Is Not What I Meant, But If You Wish To Get Fat, Be Guest Rose, For I Shall Love You All The Same.

TG: pfff-fff-fft, rood~

GC: H3H3H3H3333

TT: In that case, what do you mean by “No” then?

GA: No. As In, No, We Shall Not Be Engaging In Familial Bonding. Not With Me And Not With Johnathan.

EB: really? how come?

GA: Because You And I Are Going Out Together.

EB: you mean like a date?

GA: ♣An Ashen One, Yes♣

EB: those are a thing?

GA: Yes, They Are.

GC: NOT W1THOUT 4LL THR33 P4T1C1P4NTS TH3YR3 NOT!

GA: Yes, They **Are** , _Terezi_. Especially If The Auspice Feels The Need To Punish One Member.

EB:…. uuuuuuuhh, why are we going out together?

GA: Because I Don’t Think That After This Little Fiasco Of Theirs In Reacting To News Of Your Apparent Suicide, It Would Be Wise To Avoid Rewarding Them For Such Behavior. That And In Light Of What Has Transpired, I Do Not Feel Very Comfortable Without Knowing You Are All Right On My Terms.

TG: hang, u cant just make a desicion like that, i wanna spend time with john for a while! i didnt end my vacation just to let him flounder like a depressed fish by hijmself! i came here to help fix him!

GA: That Is Not What I Saw.

TG: well, john doesent haf to go if he doesent want to, so there.

EB: …well…

TT: It… actually would be a nice way of resetting the mood. Getting a fresh start all that. And it could give us to catch up together, Roxy! I can fill you in better and what we can do.

GC: 1T WOULD M4K3 OUR PR3D1C4M3NT R4TH3R L3SS…3MB4R4SS1NG TH4N WH4T 1T 1S. YOU D1D K1ND OF P4N1C TH3R3 4 B1T, ROX.

EB: … i guess that is kind of a good idea. i wont if you dont want me to though cuz i really don’t want to upset you again as well as placate Kanaya and stuff along with other shenanigans maybe.

TG: … ur fukin luky that ur kewt… fine, u go out an have a good time or somthin we’ll stay here and wait 4 u 2 come home.

EB: great, i’ll c u latr gatr!

TG: 1 more thing *mmmwah*… im sorry again… i shoulndt have been a bitch in rage or wateves~♥

EB: heh… not problem rox <:d  
EB:*<:D

GC: *L1CKS*

EB: AH-GOD DAMMIT TEREZI YOU FUCKING GOBLIN CRETIN!

GC: YOUR3 ST11L MY N3RD, SO DONT FORG3T TH4T… S33 YA L4T3R DUMMY~♠

GA: Very Well Then, Now That You Group Of Flighty Broads Have Been Calmed, We Can Be On Our Way. Come Along Johnathan.

EB: all righty then, cya roxy! later rose! good to c u dumbass!

*John and Kanaya Absconds*


End file.
